Loser Lay Off

I just got laid off today. I had this crappy job cooking for a second rate college cafeteria. In a typical day I would get cussed out by at least ten students. One time, a very attractive drama student complained about my split pea with rhubarb casserole. When I asked her what was wrong with it her face contorted into this unnatural look of disgust and confusion right before she began shrieking. Then she moved on to the sloppy joes. During the next mandatory staff meeting, we were informed of a new company policy expressly forbidding any and all employees who are me, to "directly or indirectly address a student, faculty, or staff member with either the spoken word, bodily gesture, or eye contact." When I filed a grievance with the dean of students, he told me to "stop sucking" and to kindly never look him in the eyes again as dictated by company policy. Guess I should have seen it coming.