I've been drunk all day. My wife is trying to get her business to actually be profitable, and the only thing I need to do is take care of the house while she works. I'm not even capable of doing that. My idea of the perfect day is to be left alone to do whatever the hell I want to do. Of course when you're the father of six children, that's a hard day to come by.
I like to wake up around noon and then spend two-eight hours drinking coffee and liquor and scouring the internet for useless information about nonsense. Meanwhile, the kids watch television and ruin their minds in between screaming fits.
My wife loves me for some strange reason. No matter how much I try to destroy our lives, she always forgives me after a good cry. The other day, I promised her that I would do whatever it takes to help her with her business. Of course I was drunk and left out the part where helping her doesn't actually include housework, changing diapers, and cooking. No, I'd rather get shitfaced and allow the children to fight among themselves about trivial things like food and water that are not readily available because their father is a loser.Yes, believe it or not, in the deranged mind of the addict, innocent children do not matter. Whether or not they have food and drink makes no difference as long as the one who is supposed to provide these things has a hard drink in hand. Once that minor annoyance is taken care of, the kids still don't matter because children are an obstacle to enjoying oneself.
The human child is the most complex product of unskilled labor in the history of life on Earth. Any two people can have drunken sexual intercourse and conceive a whole new person. A person with a soul. A person so totally pure and innocent, that they will unconditionally love the one who blatantly places the importance of a glass of whiskey in his hand above the importance of a cup of water in theirs. At the same time, children are very demanding. They will love you no matter how much you neglect and abuse them, but they will not do it quietly! You see, children do not understand diplomacy. They only understand their immediate needs (sort of like an alcoholic). When a child gets hungry or thirsty, they will not grin and bear it like an adult. They will make a scene. Not the kind of scene that makes your heart feel full of butterflies like in a movie staring Meryl Streep, but the kind of scene that includes piercing screams like in a movie directed by the guy who made Saw.
In my world, the piercing screams of unhappy children are commonplace. I try to meet their immediate needs, but I fail. As a matter of fact, I fail at every important thing that I attempt to accomplish! I don't know why. All my friends that I grew up with are atheists. Money-wise, they are doing fine. I, on the other hand, can't seem to make shit out of shit, and I'm Catholic! I have no choice but to rely on God. Maybe that's the whole point. Either way it doesn't make a difference because I am not a man. I am a staggering apparition who places his responsibility upon the shoulders of an omnipotent God who loved him into existence. I abuse myself. Moreover, I abuse the ones who have been placed in my care. I don't deserve these little ones who have been placed in my care, yet here they are. Here they are screaming constantly for stupid crap like food and water. I can easily provide these things for them, but that would mean separating my ass from the couch, and I only do that when I need another drink.
I've grown tired of typing. Chew on what I've said. If one thing applies to you, beware! I may be a loser, but you don't have to follow suit! Love your kids! Love your wife! Love everyone regardless of whether or not they love you back! This is the secret to happiness (and eternal life). I may not be capable of seeing my nose before my face, but you can. I refuse to see the forest through the trees, but maybe one of you poor, unfortunate souls who actually took the time to read this can. Save yourself from hell! Learn from my mistakes!
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